A Pier 38 - Carmens Restaurant (1.00/5)

This bathroom is to be used in emergencies only. The bathroom is outside the restaurant on the backside of the building (much like a gas station). The Men's room offers no privacy as the main door is kept open to help air it out. There is one stall and one urinal. The stall will require a thick nest and you might want to consider a hover technique. The urinal is so low to the ground that I think I peed on flusher.

The sink worked fine and the bathroom had some soap. The hand dryer is a bit old school so consider wiping your hands dry on your pants.

B Caltrain Station (3.33/5)

C Faletti Foods (3.00/5)

So the bathrooms aren't as gourmet as the merchandise, and you need a code from an employee to access them, but they could save you in a mid-shop pinch, and the employees seem genuinely happy to help.

D On the Corner Cafe (4.33/5)

Ok so there was a couple splatters of pee on the seat, no big whoop. Totally worth the walk if you are considering the suicide mission of a Lower Haight toilet hunt. Easy access, plenty of space to stretch out in your own (unisex) b-room, and a baby changing table if you need one for an actual baby or a just place to rest your junk.

E The Palace Hotel (3.67/5)

Yes, these bathrooms are conveniently located near the Palace's Market St entrance and Yes, they have full closure door-to-floor marble bathroom stalls and Yes, they keep them clean, but at the end of the day, these just don't make the cut for my downtown faves - it's the stuffy low ceilings, the dumpy lighting, or maybe it's just the extra traffic from business convention goers and Maxfield's diners that depresses me a little bit. But if you're not feeling too picky, a perfectly fine option for those on the go.

F The St. Regis Hotel (4.00/5)

For a less conspicuous entrance you can use the door on 689 Mission, breeze past the lobby restaurant receptionist and hang a left, otherwise just head through the main lobby and head back past the bar area to the Design-Within-Reachy, pretty private, full closure door-to-floor stalls. And don't think I didn't notice those on those super-thick paper towels - thanks St. Regis - I think I'll pack my lunch in them tomorrow.

G The Four Seasons (4.00/5)

These bathrooms make you feel like they have been graciously awaiting to receive your #2, and are nicer than my apartment. Through the Market St entrance walk straight back to the guest elevators and head up to the Lobby level. Hang a right for the almost hidden alcove that houses these sprawling, marbled beauties. A little complicated to find but totally worth it if you are looking for the luxury experience that only lots and lots of ritzy money can provide.

H The Gap (3.67/5)

I was impressed with these remodeled two-stall Gap b-rooms - the cheery blue tile was a bit of a pick-me-up from the tourist mosh pit out front, and they were much cleaner than I expected. Ladies just need to skip straight to the back of Gap Body, and fellas need to head upstairs - keep walking straight from the top of the escalator. Look for the overhead signs that read "WASH".

I Macy's Union Square (3.33/5)

These bathrooms in the food court area of the basement are pretty quick to get to from the street but are kind of sucky and there is sometimes a long touristy line. (If you are a lady, and are willing to do some light travel, head through the kitchen appliances towards the northeast corner of the basement for a private and tranquil ladies room oasis.) If you can take a few extra minutes on the escalator, head to the 6th Floor.

J Macy's Union Square (4.33/5)

While many a Union Square shopper are hip to the utilitarian Cellar b-rooms, where pee-splattered seats and cloggy TP clumps seem to be the name of the game, those in the know take the time to head to the 6th floor where you will find a chandeliered, green marbled ladies room that someone has been given special instructions to keep in mint condition since the Art Deco era. Keep walking past the basic beige stalls to the vault-like toilet museum toward the back. The heavy mirrored doors seal you in to your small but completely private and practically sound-proof vintage cocoon.
Dudes only get the beige stalls but still get the benefit of peace and quiet on the much less trafficked 6th floor than the touristy Cellar option.